Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Swine Flu - by Carnac the Magnificent

Remember the old Tonight Show routine, Carnac the Magnificent, played by Johnny Carson and straight man Ed McMahon? Ed gives an envelope to Carnac, who then holds it to his head and divines the question to an answer. Here goes...

The Answer:  The swine flu

The Question:  How did Dick Cheney get back home to Wyoming? 

Saturday, April 18, 2009

49 States Could Secede From Texas - by David

Governor Rick Perry of Texas hinted at a Texas Tea Party on April 15 that Texas could secede from the United States of America if the federal government continues to strangle Americans with taxation, spending and debt.  
Well, let's beat 'em to the punch. How about if the other 49 states secede from Texas!?

This does create a minor problem, though. To avoid the expense, in these tough economic times, of changing every American flag in the world from 50 stars to 49, we will have to invite a new member into the Union. Puerto Rico? Guam? Or really thinking outside the box, how about Cuba? 

Anyway, I think it's a great idea! I've always felt that the neo-conservatives, right-wing Republicans, corporatists, fascists, Libertarians, and any others who generally misunderstand or disagree with the foundations of our great democratic republic, should have their own place, their own Petri dish if you will, to grow their tax free small-g government Nirvana.

The results will be predictable. What do you get when you have a private-property rich, public-property and public infrastructure poor, tax free, no safety net, no safety or food standards, weak federal government nation? You get a third-world country. Texas will eventually come back, Stetson in hand, begging to rejoin the other 50 states. I'd welcome them back as long as they pay their way, including changing all those flags to show 51 stars. 

If any "tea baggers" happen to be reading this, let the record show that I am a former libertarian and member of the GOP, but still a capitalist. Don't even think about calling me a socialist or a fascist, because I'm not. Neither is our president. 

Faux News Brings Out the Tea Bags and the Scum Bags – by David

I observed with mild interest a group of tea baggers preparing for their tea party near the Trader Joe's in downtown Beaverton on April 15. Since I don't watch Fox Noise, nor read any of Dick Armey's websites, I didn't know too much about it in advance. It was supposed to be a grassroots effort. Yeah, about as grassroots as the occupation of Iraq. 

The brainiacs behind neo-conservatism and liberatarianism certainly know what they are doing. But millions of like-minded sheople have been duped. For that, I feel sorry for them. They don't truly understand the historical foundation of this country, don't know economics, don't know economic history, don't understand that the government is "us" and we are "it", and don't know what "tea bagging" really is. (This is a family blog, so if you don't know, look it up on UrbanDictionary; you may or may not be grossed out).

Let's break it down:
** The original Boston Tea Party was to protest taxation without representation. Ummmm, there WAS a fair, untainted election (finally) and the good guys won. 
** According to organizers, they were protesting, among other things, the threat of gigantic federal deficits brought on by those tax and spend Democrats. For the record, here's a new 9/11 for you:  of the 11 trillion dollar federal deficit, 9 trillion was brought to you by a Republican president and congress. Sadly, many were just protesting all things Obama, using the same talking points and tactics invented in those right wing think tanks. 
** Some tea baggers think there should be no taxes at all. Others think their taxes are too high. For the record, federal tax rates are down across the board compared to 30 years ago. But the tax burden for some is UP (and the deficit for all) because too many others are not paying their fair share. 
** They probably think that our country can and will survive with low taxes and a much smaller, weaker federal government. So speak up, tea baggers! What do you want to give up that you're paying for now? Transportation? Public safety? Free public schools and hospitals? The safety net? Social Security and Medicare?  Federal guidelines and regulations in health, food safety, workplace safety, banking & finance industry, and so on? 

You know, I wish there was a place... a place where all like-minded tea baggers could go and live together. What a great social experiment that would be, though doomed to ultimate failure. That gives me an idea! Thanks Rick Perry, governor of Texas!

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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Hello World Rebuttal - by Tootsie

Yeah, welcome to my world, you annoying, obnoxious little twit. You learned the pee pads with one lesson by Oscar? When you're a puppy, everything looks like a pee pad - the carpet, welcome mats by the front door, dirty clothes left laying around. You're not that accurate even when you do try. Keep trying kid.

OK, I have to admit you are a quick learner. David is teaching you the poochie bells to ask to go outside and you're catching on quick. 

Speaking of catching on quick, now I 
have to tolerate another little bag of male dog hormones. How annoying.