Sunday, June 15, 2008

Dowry and Wedding - by Oscar

So the older daughter of my humans is getting married in August. My male human sent the following demand letter to the prospective groom:

Maureen, have you told Jon about the traditional marriage dowry? Your mother and I know that the actual traditional dowry could be difficult to organize here in the states. But we do have some additional suggested alternatives.    

As you know, the traditional marriage dowry requires, first and foremost, one carabao (water buffalo), young and obedient. In addition, either 1/2 hectare of rice field (flat and productive), OR 500 kilos of rice each year for 3 years (rinsed and dried, no stones please).

As an alternative, may we also suggest one of the following:

     1. You know those $10 Starbucks cards? Well, how about a free pass for 2 lattes and 2 scones, every day for life.

     2. An assortment of Pacific rock fish and Alaskan king salmon, filleted and alder smoked. No less than 500 pounds, and please, absolutely no farm-raised fish.

     3. A lifetime pass to the Space Needle elevator and 10 free dinners to the restaurant therein. Plus a lifetime entertainer pass to Folklife, with choice of stage. (Your mother wants to practice her belly dancing).

     4. For a period of 3 years, a prepaid kiosk space in a prime location inside Pike Place Market, PLUS a steady supply of fish from NOAA research projects. All the sturgeon caviar we can get would be greatly appreciated. (Have you seen your mother throw fish? Wow! The caviar could be a problem, though).

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Tootsie Roll

Hi, my name is now Tootsie Roll and I'm a 19 pound standard Dachshund. My original name was Dixie when I lived on a farm outside of Forest Grove, Oregon. When my new people adopted me in early 2008, they didn't like my name and wanted to change it. Hoping to not confuse me too much, they renamed me "Doxie". Nice try... what a stupid name. I guess they didn't like it, either, so they gave me a much better, more descriptive name. I'm happier now, worm free, and could lose a couple pounds.

Oscar Mayer

Hi, I'm Oscar Mayer, a 10 pound Mini-Dachshund living in Beaverton, Oregon. Many people take one look at me and exclaim, "oh, look at that cute Chihuahua!" Grrrrr. I'm not a Chihuahua, I'm not the Taco Bell dog, and I don't live in Beverly Hills! I'm a wiener dog! Think wiener schnitzel, not chalupa. Whenever my aging male human takes me for a walk, he is amazed at how many pretty young women smile at him. He thinks it's him. I know better.